The Bloody Marys of Calhoun County

What stands out in our sudsy memories of Calhoun County boozing is that not one of the seven establishments reviewed below included so much as a lime in their bloody marys. Perhaps namesake John C. Calhoun ordered his cocktails sans garnish in a states'-rights flouting of some obscure federal mandate.

Bloodies are rated on a ten-celery-stalk scale, with ten being, uh, sublime.

Wittmond Hotel, Brussels
5 celery stalks
After pouring her Mr. & Mrs. T's base and a generous portion of vodka, inexperienced bartendress smartly opts for the build-your-own-bloody approach and supplies patron with Tabasco, salt and Worcestershire sauce.

Meppen Tavern, Meppen
4 celery stalks
Tomato juice instead of V8 or mary mix is a stumble akin to Sasha Cohen blowing a double toe loop. Serving it in a Pepsi glass takes Meppen out of medal contention, though a build-your-own finish prevents total flameout.

Corner Tavern, Hardin
2 celery stalks
Tomato juice and vodka in a skinny little glass and...that's all, folks! Permissible only in a dorm room where kitchen facilities aren't available.

Barefoot Restaurant & Bar, Hardin
6 celery stalks
Pure professionalism in a tall, wide glass. Spicy and meaty, owing to significant presence of Tabasco and Worcestershire.

Straight Home, Hardin
3 celery stalks
See "Corner Tavern," with a bonus point awarded for pint schooner rather than glorified shot glass.

Michael Tavern, Michael
6 celery stalks
Tomato juice faux pas offset by succulent Crystal hot sauce and plenty o' Worcestershire.

Louie's Kampsville Inn, Kampsville
7 celery stalks
The one and only tavern to serve its mary in a bona-fide cocktail glass — with horseradish in addition to Worcestershire and Frank's Red Hot sauce, no less. Exceptionally executed by a seasoned pro, except for that niggling garnish deficiency.