Unreal News Challenge 2006

A) King of Beers

B) Jigga This, Jigga That

C) Vice-President of Marketing

D) Co-Brand Director

13) Earlier this year the University of Missouri announced (and subsequently reversed) its decision that it would provide what in dormitory bathrooms?

A) Tampons

B) Condoms

C) Wire hangers

D) Piss Clean

14) What is a "carp cake"?

A) A food made from unwanted Mississippi River carp that can be fed to zoo animals

B) A crystal meth-concealing food product Missouri State Troopers discovered when they pulled over a refrigerated eighteen-wheeler on Interstate 44

C) A synonym for pendulous breasts that rapper Jibbs made famous in a song of the same name

D) The main ingredient in a St. Paul sandwich

15) Which of the following music venues has not — at least as we go to press — shuffled off this mortal coil?

A) Sally T's

B) Mississippi Nights

C) The Hi-Pointe

D) Frederick's Music Lounge

16) Which of the following events had its debut in 2006?

A) The Steve Kline Awards honoring St. Louisans with the good sense to tell the boss to stick it

B) The Franz Kline Awards recognizing outstanding local abstract artists

C) The Calvin Klein Awards celebrating area "Damn, your ass looks hot in them '80s-style jeans!" people

D) The Kevin Kline Awards rewarding outstanding accomplishments in local theater

17) The man after whom the Kevin Kline Awards are named won an Oscar for which film role?

A) The brooding alcoholic husband Ben Hood in 1997's The Ice Storm (Memorable Quote: "The only big fight we've had in years is about whether to go back into couples therapy.")

B) Pizza parlor owner Joey Boca, complete with spot-on Italian accent, in the 1990 film I Love You to Death (Memorable Quote: "When somebody shoot you in the head, it make you think.")

C) The obscenity-spewing con man Otto in the 1988 masterpiece A Fish Called Wanda (Memorable Quote: "You pompous, stuck-up, snot-nosed, English, giant, twerp, scumbag, fuck-face, dickhead, asshole.")

D) Nathan Landau, the sensitive lover of concentration-camp survivor Sophie (Meryl Streep), in 1982's Sophie's Choice (Memorable Quote: "Don't you see, Sophie? We're dying.")

Match the St. Louis ranking with the poll:

18) Men's Health magazine's "Angriest Cities"

19) Zest Body Wash's "50 Most Adventurous Cities"

20) National Coalition for the Homeless and the National Law Center on Homelessness & Poverty's "Meanest Cities"

21) Sperling's Best Places' "Migraine Hot Spots"

A) 45th

B) 10th

C) 5th

D) 19th

22) Riverfront Times ad salesman Dan Nassif finished in ninth place in which 2006 sporting event?

A) The Talladega 500

B) The Preakness Stakes

C) The World Series of Poker

D) Synchronized Swimming Invitational (Men's Individual)

23) In November researchers at Washington University made news when they announced plans to develop a "dipstick" test to check for caffeine in beverages. The test uses antibodies the scientists derived from which two creatures?

A) Camels and llamas

B) Chimpanzees and orangutans

C) Carp and catfish

D) Wasps and bees

24) What was Mike Shannon's call when the last out was made in the 2006 World Series?

A) "Swing and a miss! The Cards do it again! The Cards do it again! Nobody thought they stood a chance, but there you have it, folks: Miracles happen!"

B) "Swing and a miss! The Cardinals are world champions for 2006 as Wainwright greets the catcher and they mob the pitcher and catcher on the mound here at Busch Stadium."

C) "Swing and a miss! The Cards rout the Tigers and win the series for the first time in 24 years! Heh, heh, heh."

D) "Swing and a miss! Cards win! Cards win! Holy fucking shit! The Cards are world champions! Somebody get me a beer!"

25) In April Principia College senior Aaron Goldsmith purchased the first what at the new Busch Stadium?

A) Goddamn teddy-bear

B) Outrageously overpriced beer

C) Outrageously overpriced hot dog