Puff Daddy

You flunked out of college your junior year. How'd you get the idea for the article?

Basically, it started out as a log — you know, recording which ladies I'd scored with that weekend and how we accomplished coitus. Later I recorded what we had to drink prior to our lovemaking. Before I knew it, I had this incredible data set that basically confirmed it: The more I drank, the more I got laid!

Why has it taken the scientific community so long to confirm your findings?

They said my findings didn't follow strict scientific controls because sometimes I'd lose track of precisely how much I drank and what type of alcohol I consumed.

Speaking strictly anecdotally of course, did you find that any particular type of alcohol worked better than the others?

If you want prolific numbers — we're talking two to three partners a night — nothing works better than keg beer. But if there's a special person you want to have crazy monkey sex with, then nothing works better than jungle juice: Everclear and Kool-Aid mixed in a trash can. 

Answers to the 2007 Unreal News Quiz
We have a winner! Unreal extends our heartfelt congratulations to Kim Syron of Affton, who topped all who took on the Unreal News Quiz.

For getting 93 out of 103 answers correct, Kim won herself a lovely toilet, which she stopped by for and schlepped home last week — but not before we extracted a promise to call us if, instead of re-gifting it to her mother, she opts to sell it in the Post-Dispatch "Bargain Box." Imagine that installment of "Somebody Buy My Crap" — it'd be the post-postmodernest!

Oh, yeah — one other piece of housekeeping: Unreal made a teensy error in formulating Question 68: Kidnapper and child molester Michael Devlin drove a Nissan pickup, not a Toyota.

And now, without further ado, the answer key:

1. B

2. B

3. A

4. C

5. B

6. A

7. A

8. C

9. D

10. B

11. C

12. A

13. C

14. D

15. A

16. B

17. B

18. C

19. B

20. B

21. A

22. A

23. C

24. B

25. D

26. A

27. D

28. B

29. C

30. A

31. C

32. C

33. C

34. C

35. C

36. C

37. A

38. C

39. B

40. C

41. D

42. B

43. A

44. A

45. C

46. C

47. C

48. C

49. C

50. A

51. A,B,C

52. A,B,C

53. A,B,C

54. D

55. C

56. C

57. D

58. D

59. B

60. C

61. A

62. D

63. D

64. D

65. D

66. A

67. C

68. B

69. B

70. C

71. A

72. B

73. B

74. B

75. D

76. B

77. A

78. B

79. A

80. D

82. C

83. C

84. D

85. C

86. B

87. A

88. D

89. D

90. A

91. C

92. D

93. C

94. A

95. C

96. D

97. D

98. D

99. B

100. A

101. A

102. D

103. D