Most Popular

"Most Popular" tools sponsored by:

National Features >

  • Broward-Palm Beach New Times

    Sexual Healing

    For Florida's sole remaining sex surrogate, love is a many splintered thing.

    By Michael J. Mooney

  • City Pages

    Your Friendly Neighborhood War Profiteer

    It's not just giant companies cashing in on America's defense industry.

    By Jeff Severns Guntzel

  • The Pitch

    Supersizing Sonic

    How a throwaway idea at the Barkley ad agency became the "Sonic Guys."

    By Justin Kendall

  • Houston Press

    Temples of Tex-Mex

    A diner's guide to Texas's oldest Mexican restaurants.

    By Robb Walsh

Cock and Awe

Continued from page 1

Published on April 09, 2008

"It tells people that you're trying to impress them," Ikon explains. "It tells the girl she's the prize. That lowers your value. You want to be the prize. Girls are turned off by guys who are trying too hard to impress them."

That is why a pickup artist will never buy a woman a drink. Ever.


Attention ladies: Here's how to tell you're in the presence of a novice pickup artist:

He will approach you and your friends, suddenly, as if shoved in your direction. (And perhaps he was, by his wingman.)

He will say, "I can only stay a minute, but can I get your opinion on something?"

His pockets will bulge with breath mints and condoms in case he closes.

He will ask if you floss before you brush, or if you think his friend should go on Jerry Springer to meet a secret admirer.

He will address his opening remarks to your friend so you will feel compelled to compete for his attention.

He will pretend he has something important to tell you, in order to get you alone.

He will try to read your mind or, if you are especially lucky, your tarot cards. (The pickup community refers to this sort of pseudo-spirituality as "chick crack.")

He will have memorized all his lines in advance from a cheat sheet he carries in his back pocket.

This is the textbook pickup, and it is regarded with scorn by any PUA with more than one night's experience in the field. "I hate the pickup community," Cougar Hunter grumbles. "It's insane crap. It puts the rest of us in a bad light. For a normal guy, it's just self-improvement relating to how to act with girls."

"The mainstream caters to the nerdy type who has to have everything broken down in a nerd-like fashion," says the Real Assanova, a blogger in Columbus, Ohio, who sarges across the Midwest. "When you're yourself, you have a better chance. Women admire confidence. Just say what's on your mind. Why even bother with 'Let me get your opinion on this'?"

The experienced pickup artist has created his own variation on the basic routine that better suits his personality and that savvier targets may not have already seen on VH1. He aims to distinguish himself. He won't ask you inane questions, like where you're from or if you come here often. He's above all that. He also knows it doesn't pay to be too free with compliments.

"From the time a girl is sixteen or seventeen and starts going to parties, she's always hit on and pursued," Cougar Hunter explains. "She starts noticing that guys do the same things. They say, 'You're so cute' and buy her a drink."

"By the time she's 23," Ikon adds, "that's seven years, and even if she only goes out twice a week, she'll have heard it 3,050 times."

Instead of commenting on your pretty eyes, a pickup artist will make a shrewd observation about your personality. "If you convey positive things, people tend to agree," says Monty, a 31-year-old manager at an engineering company in Fairview Heights. "I say very general things. When someone is cold, I'll say, 'I'll bet people think you're cold, but it just takes time for you to warm up.' That's true about every single person in the world.

"The 'game' is about having canned openers," Monty continues. "I don't believe in being untruthful. I don't read something out of a book and spit it back to a woman. Women are highly intuitive. If you lie, you're going to get caught."

Some of Monty's openers stem from genuine questions. "I was hanging out with this girl," he remembers. "We had a good conversation and she offered me her phone number. Then she said, 'I kind of have a boyfriend.' What does that even mean?"

Other PUAs prefer more flamboyant tactics. "I saw this girl sitting at a bar," Trix remembers. "I stuck my arm on her shoulder and then, when she turned around, I said, 'Oh, you're not who I thought you were.' She liked my confidence and gave me a ride home."

Assanova, meanwhile, once picked up a girl by saying "fuck you" over and over.

Not all of Trix's openers have been successful. "I went into Victoria's Secret once and held up a thong and asked, 'How would this look on me?' I failed horribly. My stepmom had a good laugh. She rolled her eyes and walked away."

Then there's the close. "You don't actively ask for a phone number," says Monty. "It makes you look needy. When a girl comes up to me and says, 'I want to give you my number,' I really, really enjoy that."

Show All« Previous Page   1   2   3   4   Next Page »

Riverfront Times Insiders

  • Local food, music and news blasts
  • Free Stuff
Backpage.com