Unreal eyes a tasty bride and apologizes for a Jewmongous error

An Unreal Lament
In our review of Jewmongous: Taller Than Jesus in last week's Unreal, we reported that five of the CDs first seven songs reference masturbation. We also mentioned that the song "Long Tongue Schloime" concerns the lone Jew in the shtetl willing provide oral pleasure to the women. We were wrong on both counts, as Jewmongous' Sean Altman wrote to inform us. Only four of the album's thirteen songs reference masturbation. (God, we've got a dirty mind!) And, as Altman wrote, "It's that the misunderstood stranger (in this case the Jew) is the only man in town who does go down on the ladies, and with great relish! This is not the self-deprecating Jewish humor of the Woody Allen or Philip Roth era; it's the self-aggrandizing Jewish humor of the new millennium."

Unreal: We're really sorry we misrepresented "Long Tongue Schloime." We thought he was visiting a Jewish town and all the men who were living there were, you know, reluctant to go down.

Sean Altman: No, no, you misunderstood my intention. Schloime is the only Jew in town. He's this freak —

With two tongues.

Yes, and only the women can see the beauty in him.

Ah! It suddenly becomes clear!

You wrote you only managed to get through three-quarters of the album.

Um, yeah.

Well, if you do manage to listen to the last quarter, check out our cover of The Ramones' "I Wanna Be Sedated." Are you a Ramones fan?

Hell yeah.

Well, ours is a very reverent Semitic version. And, you will be pleased to know, no masturbation. 

Local Blog O' the Week
"Trucking Accident Attorney Blog"

http://www.truckingaccidentattorneyblog.com

Author: Jeffrey Lowe

About the blogger: After a successful career as a partner in two other personal injury law firms, Jeffrey J. Lowe formed the St. Louis-based Lowe Law Firm in 2003. Jeff Lowe and his firm have obtained over $150 million in verdicts and settlements. One of the most notable cases included a $105 million dollar verdict in a product liability lawsuit involving an exploding tire rim.

Recent Highlights: April 17: A St. Louis County judge sentenced a truck driver who drove off after he hit and killed a tow truck operator to four years in prison...As this case shows, a trucker's negligence can quickly turn deadly. When a fatal accident occurs, the truck driver not only risks getting sued civilly for damages, the driver may also face years behind bars...An initial free consultation with The Lowe Law Firm attorneys for victims of trucking or truck-related accidents is available. Appointments can take place at our office, at the hospital, or in the privacy of your home.

April 4: An Illinois truck driver whose semi slammed into the back of a tour bus killing eight women was sentenced to four years in prison last Thursday...I hope that this sentence sends a message to the trucking industry...An initial free consultation with The Lowe Law Firm attorneys for victims of trucking or truck-related accidents is available. Appointments can take place at our office, at the hospital, or in the privacy of your home.

April 3: Two women were killed in Illinois and a third was critically injured when their car crossed over interstate 55-70 into the path of a tractor trailer, according to the Illinois State Police...The truck driver was not injured and was not held, police said. An investigation continues into the actions of the driver of the car, a spokesman said...An initial free consultation with The Lowe Law Firm attorneys for victims of trucking or truck related accidents is available. Appointments can take place at our office, at the hospital, or in the privacy of your home.

Know of an Unreal-worthy local blog? Send the URL to unreal@riverfronttimes.com.