I know I’m not the only guy who gets turned on by a cute Australian accent. This lovely young lady goes by the name of Renee Gracie, and she’s a race car driver. But car guys don’t be fooled, it's mostly tits. There’s a car here and there but that’s really not what most of the traffic is on this page. And when I say mostly tits I don’t mean most of the pictures have tits in them I mean a good 10-20% of her body is her tits. Holy hell does this woman have a pair of bazoingas, subtle writing be damned. She (and possibly her surgeon) have clearly put a lot of work into looking sexy for you, the subscriber. Makeup on point, nails, hair and outfit all looking sultry as can be. But of course the centerpiece is the big fake tits. I personally appreciate a more natural look, but for those of you into the larger than life, unattainable pornographic beauty, she won’t disappoint. My favorite part was her elaborate tattoo work, with interesting ink splattering her upper body and culminating in big intricate portrait style pieces on each thigh. I’ll be honest, when I was watching her play with herself, (which was quite deft and impressive given her long nail extensions) I got distracted trying to identify her thigh portraits. Clearly Buddha on the right thigh and what seemed to be some Christian lady imagery on the right, I had more spiritual questions than sexual answers. At the risk of turning this porn review into a theology paper, I’m not sure what the mixed religious messages mean, but that’s one Buddha I sure wouldn’t mind giving a rub.
Now that I’ve gotten that out of my system, let's get to the content. As much as I appreciate sexy tattoos I also appreciate a bargain and that won’t be found here. The $3 monthly subscription gets you in the door but once inside she's quite stingy with the free content. Most of her posts are photos or short clips pointing you toward PPV content. I decided to take her up on her offer to “Tip for a sexy surprise” and was surprised to find how little $10 will get you on this page. Does she look damn sexy when she plays with her clit? Of course she does, but the video was short and while it’s hard to put a value on such things, it was underwhelming. Far be it from me to compare ladies, but that sort of thing was free with the subscription on another page I’ve seen.
I tried striking up some sexy banter but the responses I got back seemed pretty generic and lacked any creativity. I was constantly being pressed to buy her overpriced content, and the cheesy captions did nothing to increase my interest. I can’t say for sure if it was a bot writing the captions or responding to my chats, but if it was her, then she is a foreigner who learned English exclusively by reading bot comments on porn sites. Way too many tongue and eggplant emoji, overuse of daddy, babe, sexy and other generic sexy petnames. “Oooh baby I want you inside me.” We've never met. “Just a little tease of what you’re about to see… get ready for the hottest sexxxxtape of the year.” Who talks like that? Yes she did use that many X’s. Pretty much never do you see the words “sex” or “sexy” spelled properly. I feel weird being a spelling stickler in porn, but also that’s just corny. My personal favorite was a still photo of her lower back covered in cum with the caption: “Wanna know how I ended up like this” (plus the obligatory emojis of course). Gee I wonder how. But to be honest, yes. I’d love to see the specifics.
I know I came off a bit harsh here. I’m sure much of it comes down to personal preference. Race Car Driver is sexy as hell and if you can afford her PPV content you will love it. However it seems to me that the point of OnlyFans is to interact with the beautiful women you’re jerking off to. To be fair “she” was online a lot and responded quickly when I messaged. It’s possibly just my own preference, and maybe I’ve already developed a certain kind of taste for DMs, I’m sure some men appreciate the generic slutty messages. But suffice to say it’s not the thinking man’s dirty talk. I like a sexter who comes off as actually having read my messages, and I don’t appreciate being constantly sold to. I’ll pay, just be subtle about it.
The content, while costing top dollar, is also top notch. 5/5
The connection is technically there with swift responses. ⅖
Personalized care is nonexistent, I felt like another wallet in a numbers game who got as much of a second thought as a random dairy cow on a factory farm. 0/5
