Back in 2008, I had recently graduated college a year early with no clue as to my next move. Thus, like many post-graduates before me, I spent many days on my parents’ couch, until that fateful morning that my mom announced she had called in a favor.
My wonderful mom had previously worked with the son of the general manager of a very fancy department store. She called this GM, an impeccably dressed, respectable, and austere man, to tell him it was time to get me off the sofa.
As luck would have it, he told her there was an opening in luxury handbags, so I was shocked when I was abruptly roused from the couch and told that I needed to print out my resume (this is before the LinkedIn days), put on professional-looking designer duds, and march my butt to human resources to apply.
I aced the interview and was informed in the next couple days that I was in fact, hired. But employment hinged on the results of a drug test.
The company I had applied to, though I have no idea what’s become of the culture there now, at the time, was known for their very strict drug and alcohol policies. If weed was found on a drug test, you would not be hired.
The contract for employment also stated they could drug test you randomly at any time, and if you failed, you would be fired on the spot.
So, I had to make an appointment at a local lab for the following week to take my drug test (urine analysis).
Was I nervous? If I’m being honest, no. Selling designer handbags for thousands of dollars a pop to the privileged wasn’t exactly my dream job. If I failed the drug test, there were no dreams in danger of shattering.
On the other hand, I didn’t want to embarrass my mom. She had, albeit without my knowledge or consent, stuck her neck out for me with a powerful and influential person. And she actually worked for the same company at a different location. This means that her reputation was somewhat at stake, and if you know any boomers from the South, you know that reputation is everything.
But because I hadn’t known that I would be up for a job and subsequent drug test within a week, I had no time to abstain from cannabis. I was a regular smoker, thinking the jig might already be up.
I had never used a weed detox drink before, but I’d known of multiple people who had, and with success. I put my faith in the social proof from these elixirs and high-tailed it to the local head shop.
I cannot recall what brand I used, but I can tell you one thing, the drink was expensive. And I had to drink two different things, one the day before, and one within a specific window of time the day of the test.
I remember the instructions told me to stop smoking at least 72 hours before the test. Whoops. 48 hours was the best I could do.
I also remember I had to drink a ton of water the day before to flush out my system, which makes sense. However, the day of, I had to be careful.
If there’s too much water in the urine sample, often the testing lab will ask you to repeat the process for a more accurate reading. Which would mean another expensive weed detox drink.
On the day of the test, I arrived at the lab, having followed the instructions of my weed detox to the tee, except for the 72-hour cessation. I did my thing at the lab and promptly hopped in the car of my bestie, who had a bowl waiting for me back home.
The result? I was selling Italian lambskin totes to the Southern social elite the next week.
The drink had worked, and it had worked in spite of the fact that I smoked 48 hours before the test instead of the recommended 72-hour cessation period.
Based on my own experience, yes, a quality weed detox drink will work for a urine drug test, and it may even work if you don’t follow the directions exactly as described by the manufacturer.
However, there are a couple major caveats I want to point out before any readers go and do the same thing that I did.
Caveat number one, people metabolize cannabinoids at different rates.
If you have a faster metabolism, your chances are better at beating the test. I’ll give you an example:
One of my oldest friends is rail-thin. He eats more than anyone I know, and he actually drinks weight-gain concoctions just to prevent looking gaunt. I remember in high school, his parents once sprung a surprise urine test on him. He passed, even though he smoked the day before.
Admittedly, I was born with a pretty fast metabolism as well. And since THC is stored in fat cells, I probably had a higher chance of passing versus an individual with a slow metabolism.
If you need to pass a drug test soon, I’ve heard recommendations to drink lots of water and exercise vigorously in the weeks leading up to the test, with the idea that you’re more likely to flush out the lingering cannabinoids that way.
However, I discovered this scientific study that found exercise and food deprivation did not affect the outcomes of drug tests. So, take the aforementioned diet and exercise recommendations with a grain of salt.
Caveat number two, hair tests are tougher to beat.
I have zero experience with hair drug tests, as my lovely anecdote was the one and only time I was ever drug tested. But from what I understand, hair tests are significantly harder to beat.
For one, they are more difficult to tamper with. And two, hair follicle drug tests can determine drug use within a larger window of time. THC lingers in urine for only around 30 days but can be detected in hair follicles within a 90-day timeframe.
Nowadays, there are shampoos you can order online that supposedly can help you beat the hair follicle test. I can’t speak to these, but what I can say is that from my own experience, getting a recommended weed detox drink from a reputable head shop and following the directions is most likely the best bet to pass a urine drug test. That is, if you don’t want to stop smoking a whole month before.
