2. Freshen-up Chewing Gum, 1982 Gum commercials are always about sex. Always. Because what is hotter than someone disguising garlic breath by chomping on a mouthful of rubbery cud? Nothing! Well, unless that rubbery cud has the ability to squirt while being given fellatio by Olivia Newton-John's "Phyiscal"-era body double.
Freshen-up isn't technically extinct. Like all things tawdry, it can be bought wholesale online.
1. Take Five Little Casseroles, 1979 Cooking takes time that can better be spent participating in roller disco. Not everyone had a microwave for quick meals in 1979, and the exotic Asian flavors of Top Ramen in little Styrofoam cups frightened many Americans. Combine the easy prep of ramen with the flavors of good ol' American freeze-dried meat-based casseroles, and people had the extra time and nutritional fortitude required to peel away skintight, sweat-soaked shiny Lycra hot pants at the end of a long day at the rink.
