World's Top-Ranked Eaters to Eat Fudge Out of Uranus This Weekend

Gurgitators as far flung as Australia will bring "stiff competition" to Uranus on Saturday

Mar 25, 2024 at 2:03 pm

There's all kinds of wacky stuff in Uranus. VIA FLICKR/FORMULANONE

In a first for the sport, the organizing body that oversees all professional eating competitions is inviting some of the best in the business to gather in Uranus this weekend for an event that will see them wolfing down fudge in the pursuit of a world record.

Dubbed the 2024 Inaugural Eating Uranus Fudge Galactic Championship and set to take place Saturday at the Uranus Fudge Factory in St. Robert, Missouri, the competition is the first of its kind, and is now one of 70 events on Major League Eating's roster, which also includes the annual televised hot dog eating contest held on July 4 each year on Coney Island. Its competitors will face off for a grand prize of $2,500 and the title of the first-ever Eating Uranus Fudge Galactic Champion. It also comes with serious bragging rights — promotional material for the event notes that the victor is "guaranteed to pull out of Uranus with a new world record."

The International Federation of Competitive Eating is sanctioning the event, and will bring with it five of the top six competitors in its ranks, including Oxford, Massachusetts' Geoffrey Esper, No. 2; Tampa's Miki Sudo and Nick Wehry, No. 3 and No. 4; Sydney, Australia's James Webb, No. 5; and Morrow, Georgia's Gideon Oji, No. 6. It is not immediately clear why top-ranked competitive eater Joey Chestnut would turn his nose up at Uranus, but we're assuming he's just got other shit on his plate this weekend.

Now, we know what you're thinking, but you need to get your mind out of the gutter and wipe that shit-eating grin off your face right now. Competitive eating is serious business, and the fact that such gifted athletes would even give Uranus the time of day, let alone consume a gigantic amount of fudge out of it, is something to be proud of. Frankly, Uranus doesn't always get the attention it deserves, so seeing it appear so prominently in the spotlight is an honor that is worthy of celebration.

But don't just take our word for it. The mayor of Uranus, Louie Keen, says in a statement that he is "excited to be able to show off Uranus on an international stage," and notes that, "'The Best Fudge comes from Uranus’ is our slogan for a reason."

The Inaugural Eating Uranus Fudge Galactic Championship will take place at 1 p.m. at the Uranus Fudge Factory and General Store (14400 Highway Z, Saint Robert) on Saturday, March 30. Admission is free, and you bet your ass you need to be there.

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Daniel Hill

Daniel Hill is editor at large for the Riverfront Times and he demands to be taken seriously, despite all evidence to the contrary. Follow him on Twitter at @rftmusic.