Josh Hawley Wants to Ban TikTok in the Entire United States

You'll have to do your dumb dances elsewhere, folks

Jan 24, 2023 at 3:03 pm

Screengrab via YouTube

Dweebs gonna dweeb

Josh Hawley hates fun. That’s, like, his whole thing. And if he thinks that liberals like it, he hates it extra hard. He’s built his brand on being Mr. No Fun Man.

And when he’s not pretending to be a tough guy while he’s actually running from danger, the Missouri senator seems to spend his days trying to figure out how to become the personification of a stick in the mud because that proves his conservatism or something.

Just last week, the Missouri candidate challenging Hawley for Senate, Lucas Kunce, pointed out how Hawley talks about porn constantly. Hawley’s been “on a crusade against liberal culture” for years now and says that he sees porn as some sort of affront to masculinity, something else that he’s talking about constantly.

It all seems a little weird, right? Like those homosexuality protesters who never miss a gay event.

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Well now Hawley is saying that TikTok should be banned throughout the country. No, not because he doesn’t want us to enjoy videos of dumb dances and people restocking their pantries, it’s because the parent company of the app is ByteDance, a Chinese company.

Just last month, Hawley successfully led an effort to have TikTok banned from government devices with the appropriately named "No TikTok On Government Devices Act," which was included in a $1.7 trillion government spending bill. The bill prohibits the social media app from being downloaded or accessed on any government-issued device or network.

This is convenient for Hawley because that means his coworkers won’t easily be able to see all of the videos dragging him on TikTok. (We bet he wishes that he could ban Twitter, too.) It's also a convenient step for any government that wants to suppress communication among young people who use social media as a primary means of interaction and organization. (Just sayin'.)

Hawley could kind of have a point with this one, though. Technology experts and the FBI have long said that TikTok poses national security concerns because it could be used by the Chinese government for data mining and spying on Americans.

And when something is potentially bad for American security, the government has an obligation to ban it to protect citizens. Right? That’s why Josh Hawley's next goal should be to work on banning assault rifles.

Right, Josh?

Right?

Josh?

Wait. Where are you going, Josh?

We thought we were having a conversation here…