STATE OF MISSOURI
Secretary of State Jay Ashcroft announced he's running for governor.
MONDAY, APRIL 3 CNN is back on its bullshit, providing wall-to-wall coverage of a failed former real estate developer soon to be arrested in New York. Y’all know things are happening in statehouses across America that have far more impact on our lives? Let’s start with Jefferson City. Meanwhile, Louisiana State University has won the women’s NCAA championship — and this year we’re actually talking about the girls and not the boys. (UCONN who?) Jill Biden, weirdly, spoils the moment by inviting also-rans Iowa to the White House.
TUESDAY, APRIL 4 Ope, Jill Biden disinvites Iowa. Turns out the racial politics of inviting the mostly white team that didn’t win, when a mostly Black team did, are super awkward. Speaking of awkward, what was meant to be a day of triumph for that failed former real estate developer in NYC turns into a day involving an astonishing 34 felony counts — and very few people protesting his fate. Turns out it’s not just Donald Trump who doesn’t like losers. Back in St. Louis, it’s Election Day. St. Louis says yes to a bunch of taxes on cannabis and goodbye to two aldermen with grade-A nicknames, Tina “Sweet T” Pihl and Joe “Carwash Daddy” Vaccaro. Pihl’s ninth ward offers rich ground for analysis, but for Vaccaro, bested by fellow incumbent Bret Narayan in the new fourth, the takeaway seems simple: Now that we have just 14 wards, being “assessable” is no longer enough to ensure reelection.
WEDNESDAY, APRIL 5 It’s a fun day of analyzing election returns! The Post-Dispatch reports that a bunch of weirdos trying to take over suburban school boards failed in their quest. Apparently even Missouri Republicans have limits on the nuttiness they’ll tolerate. In the city, the daily reports, Tuesday was a good night for progressives — yet Mayor Tishaura Jones’ three most outspoken critics, alderpersons Cara Spencer, Sharon Tyus and Tom Oldenburg, all cruised to reelection. Expect contentiousness ahead! Also worth noting: St. Louis elected its first Latina representative, Daniela Velazquez, in the new sixth. A city that only a decade ago felt more or less Black/white is now represented by a true rainbow coalition. That’s progress.
THURSDAY, APRIL 6 ProPublica drops a bombshell: Supreme Court Justice Clarence Thomas has accepted a whole lot of free luxury travel from a hitherto obscure billionaire. Also, here in the Show-Me State, Jay Ashcroft, the ne’er do well son of Thomas’ former mentor, is running for Missouri governor.
FRIDAY, APRIL 7 Some judge in Texas halts FDA approval of the abortion pill mifepristone after two decades of its legality. Yes, he can just do that; the federal government will appeal. Also, it turns out that Clarence Thomas’ billionaire buddy collects Nazi shit and has a garden full of statues of dictators. Serious question: Does anyone manage to stay normal after accumulating a billion dollars? Also: Someone was shot in the parking garage of Plaza Frontenac and local TV news crews are speeding to the scene. Clutch those pearls, west county friends!
SATURDAY, APRIL 8 CITY SC loses again. It’s the team’s first loss on the road. Also on the road, the Blues lose. But hey, it’s 2023, and we have another pro sports team in St. Louis. The Battlehawks today become the first XFL team to win in overtime. Kakaw!
SUNDAY, APRIL 9 It’s Easter Sunday, the weather is glorious and today we vow not to complain about anything. This is much easier if you aren’t a Cardinals fan. We’re not complaining, really we aren’t … but last in the NL Central?
This story has been updated.
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