#champs pic.twitter.com/yTd4d8I9eg
— Patrick Mahomes II (@PatrickMahomes) February 13, 2023
MONDAY, FEBRUARY 6 Beginning at 7 a.m., thieves steal four cars in an hour — and Fox 2 reports that in every case, the victims left their cars running while, say, stepping out to pick up coffee or dropping a pet at doggie daycare. People! You live in St. Louis. You cannot leave your car running, even at 7 a.m. Your suburban behavior is fueling our crime stats!
TUESDAY, FEBRUARY 7 U.S. Representative Cori Bush brings Michael Brown Sr. as her guest to the State of the Union. She wears a jacket saying “I still can’t breathe.” Too bad TV networks didn’t give her the closeup she deserved. Also: The Board of Aldermen decides “equity” can take a back seat to the status quo — sending President Megan Green’s plan to give north city wards more money to crushing defeat. “There is not enough money in ward capital to fund the basic needs we have now,” Alderwoman Anne Schweitzer says of her south city ward, and who can argue? So whatever happened to all that Kroenke cash anyway? And why is fixing potholes and sidewalks still up to individual ward budgets?
WEDNESDAY, FEBRUARY 8 Emerson will keep its HQ in St. Louis — finally, we’re not getting dumped! Speaking of dumping, the Post-Dispatch says Bi-State Development is getting rid of its $10.3 million smart card system, which never actually worked. Total passenger revenue in 2021 was $23 million — but another thing we apparently can’t put our Kroenke cash towards is making public transit free, à la Kansas City. Instead, we’ll spend $4 million on a different gate-keeping system. So St. Louis.
THURSDAY, FEBRUARY 9 The archdiocese floats turning St. Louis’ 178 parishes into 88 “pastorates” — where some congregations will survive, but their Sunday masses won’t. The president of the group fighting the changes says he anticipates a “Catholic hunger games” where parishes fight for the time and attention of their priests. Surely a ratings bonanza!
FRIDAY, FEBRUARY 10 The Board of Aldermen wraps its session — and passes $65 million for safer streets. Does this mean we can cross the road without waiting for at least three cars to blow past the red light? (Undoubtedly no.)
SATURDAY, FEBRUARY 11 April weather in mid-February is such a treat. Please tell us this won’t mean August weather in April! Also, U.S. fighter jets shoot something else out of the sky, this time over Canada, and just one day after shooting another object down over Alaska. Let’s hope it’s more spyware from China and not the arrival of extraterrestrials, because this seems more likely to end like War of Worlds than E.T.
SUNDAY, FEBRUARY 12 Chiefs win! Can we count this as a victory for Missouri? The city is divided: Half claim the win, half remember that the Chiefs’ owners colluded with that guy Kroenke to screw St. Louis. How nice that we can maintain zero consensus even in the face of a $578 million advertising juggernaut.
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