St. Louis-Specific Halloween Costumes Perfect For 2022

Josh Hawley

What could be more 2022 than the grandstanding junior senator from Missouri raising his arm with a clench-fisted salute to would-be rioters assembling outside the Capitol — only to take off running once the invaders invaded? Key to this look: a skinny suit, a smug expression, and a stack of manila folders in your hand as you run like a total chicken.

Stan Kroenke

Continuing the bad guy theme, how about putting forth your best Stan Kroenke? Wear a trenchcoat, shades, a bad wig and a bad mustache — and bring St. Louis a check for $571 million.

Bruce Sutter, RIP

With a Cardinals uniform, a magnificent beard and a halo overhead, you could easily be the recently departed pitching ace.

One of Eric Schmitt's many failed lawsuits

For this one, you can just tape a bunch of paper and ripped up Monopoly money to your clothes and head on out. Whenever anyone asks what you are, you can take your pick of which failed lawsuit of Eric Schmitt's. Are you his most recent failed lawsuit à la student loan forgiveness? Are you that finnicky (and also failed) China suit? What about the unpopular lawsuits against school districts for having kids wear masks in a global pandemic? The costume is your oyster.

Toasted ravioli — and a side of marinara

Everyone’s always happy to see St. Louis’ favorite app, so this costume is a great way to instantly take your place as the life of the party. St. Louisan Aurora Bihler shows how it’s done, complete with a marinara cape.

Provel

Deploy squiggles of white yarn strategically around your head and shoulders. Wear a cardboard grocery label around your neck making clear you are a processed cheese product and not actual cheese.

A car with a Joy FM sticker, or 12

Oh the humanity!!! Is anything scarier to a St. Louisan than a car bedecked with Joy FM stickers? You just know these pop-music-loving Christians will be running your sorry ass down on the road. When you see this costume — successfully pulled off a few years back by Mike Caraffa — we have just one word for you: RUN!

John Collins-Muhammad

Malcom X glasses? Check. Sharply tailored suit? Check. Expired driver’s license and indictment for bribery? Easy to fake with cardboard and a cheap printer. You got this one! If your friends want in on the action, they can head to the party as fellow indicted aldermen Jeffrey Boyd and Lewis Reed.

Emos at Imo's

Yeah, we’re totally stealing this from former RFT contributor Jered Schneider and his wife Jordan, but they’re good people who totally won’t blame us … and the costume is an instant conversation starter. Pure genius, and also easy to try at home.

A Kia.

The Kia Boyz have hit St. Louis hard, no doubt. But if we can't find a little humor in the situation, would we really be St. Louisans? Dress up as one of our beloved vehicles with all black clothes and a printout of a KIA logo, and maybe if you have a spare wheel lock, carry that one around. You can also add those Nintendo Switch steering wheel consoles as a prop if you want to add a little pizzazz to the costume.

A tattered "Saint Louis Bread Company" sign.

A piece of beat-up cardboard hanging around your neck will do the trick for this costume. As St. Louis Bread Company is phased out in areas outside of St. Louis City and county, we can mourn the loss with this outfit. Write on the cardboard in big letters "St. Louis Bread Company," then cross them out and write "Panera." Complete the costume by insisting your real name is Bread Co. and no one should call you by any other name.

A bread bowl

Speaking of Panera Bread Co., why not go as a bread bowl? Grab a clear garbage bag (think like those Jelly Bean costumes), fill it with some tissue paper, and badda-bing, badda-boom, bread bowl.

Bread-Sliced Bagel

Or maybe even a bread-sliced bagel that caused Bagelgate in 2019. Shred some of your old, tan clothes into strips and carry around some cream cheese. It's not weird. It's an easy way to eat a bagel.

A St. Louis cyclist

Here’s a grim one — but what is Halloween for, if not acknowledgment of grim realities? Get one of those classic headless horseman costumes (they’re all over the Internet) but instead of bringing a horse prop, bring your bike …. and dangle a bloodied bicycle helmet. It’s not just a costume: It’s political commentary, and one that carries on a fine local tradition.

Punk Rock Pizza

Kiah Storm looks just like the Killer Napkins mural on the side of South Grand’s Pizza Head — and all it took was a skeleton and a skillful use of cardboard. Bonus: Anyone who doesn’t get this one clearly lives in Chesterfield, thereby screening out the people you won’t want to hang out with anyway. See the complete costume (Kiah surfing on a pizza, as one should when embodying the Killer Napkins mural) here.

Becky, Queen of Carpet

This one is simple: All you need is gaudy royal attire, a wide-eyed expression and a carpet to stand upon! Bonus points if you can convince a friend to stand there with you in equally regal garb.

A St. Louis dumpster

You can make this one easily with cardboard, but the key is attaching an appalling amount of detritus from all sides with string — you’re not just full, you’re positively overflowing. Bonus: If there are public officials at the party, they’ll ignore you in favor of the sexy recycling container that arrived late.

An Expired Temp Tag

Go as the most St. Louis of things, an expired temp tag. It’s pretty easy to create, just make a mock temporary tag and print it out. Or you could go to the DMV and actually get your plates. With the expired temp tags finally off your car two years after you bought it, you could use them for Halloween.

Zombie Trolley

Just when we thought we killed it, the damn thing rose from the dead! Clang clang clang! It can’t be stopped. Dress yourself in a classic Zombie costume from Johnnie Brock’s, then slap on a cardboard version of an old-timey streetcar, complete with the wires Joe Edwards once promised wouldn’t be part of the thing. Bonus: If you’re late to the party, well, you’re in character. And if you pass out in a corner, people will just think you’re Method acting mechanical failure.

Forest Park

Dress as one of the city’s gems by garbing yourself all in green and pin some printouts of the art museum, a tennis court and a history textbook to your outfit. Create some signage that contradicts itself in order to replicate the hell that is trying to navigate and stick it on a hat. Finally, spend the whole evening bragging that you’re bigger than Central Park. Size matters!